Toronto drivers thought they’d seen it all—until Deputy PM Chrystia Freeland came clip-clopping down Yonge Street this weekend on her trusty steed, Tinkles.
Freeland, who doesn’t own a car, told reporters she’s “just being practical.” According to her, it’s too cold to wait for the TTC, too snowy to walk to No Frills, so the obvious eco-friendly choice was a methane-belching horse. “Sure, Tinkles farts like a hockey locker room, but it’s for the climate, eh?” she said, elbows up, raising her toque in triumph.
Campaign staff later confirmed that Tinkles has been formally added to the Liberal campaign trail. The horse comes complete with a wagon for hauling volunteers, signs, and the occasional case of craft beer. “Chrystia is the only candidate with the mare to back up her climate promises,” said Betsy, her campaign manager, without a trace of irony.
Supporters were quick to saddle up. “A woman on a horse? That’s non-binary feminism with horsepower, bud,” said Tony, a superfan in Oshawa. “Chrystia promised me if she wins, every Canadian gets a horse. I’m holding her to it.”
Meanwhile, Doug Ford was spotted muttering in the background: “Great, now I gotta ride a moose down the 401 just to keep up.”
Elbows up, Canada—the next election might be decided in a stampede.
