OTTAWA (TRUE NORTH BRAINS) — It’s official: the zombie apocalypse has arrived in Canada… only it’s not brains they’re after — it’s more Trump headlines.
Across the country, dazed and confused Liberals were spotted wandering aimlessly with their elbows up, muttering, “Big orange man bad… must check CBC… he ruined my oat milk latte.” Experts say it’s a full-blown outbreak of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) — a highly contagious condition where citizens forget about their own collapsing house while shouting about someone else’s paint colour.
“They don’t even know what day it is anymore,” said Dr. Gordie Maplebrains of the University of Moose Jaw. “The economy’s on fire, interest rates are stacked higher than a double-double, and these folks are out here like extras from The Walking Dead: CBC Edition.”
The Canadian Institute of Totally Real Statistics found that:
78% of Liberal zombies spend more time ranting about Trump than checking their hydro bills.- 62% believe Mar-a-Lago is personally responsible for their potholes.
- 1 in 3 have never actually looked at the national debt clock, but “feel it’s Trump’s fault anyway.”
78% of Liberal zombies spend more time ranting about Trump than checking their hydro bills.Meanwhile, the real Canada is wobbling like a Timbit on a dashboard. The loonie’s tired, debt is stacked taller than a snowbank outside a Tim Hortons, and the average Canadian wallet now resembles a sad poutine — soggy, thin, and overtaxed.
But none of that seems to faze the infected. One Liberal zombie in Toronto, identified only as “Chad from Climate Studies,” was found outside a Starbucks, repeating, “Orange bad… inflation emotional manipulation… CBC soothe me.”
Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland told reporters,
“Yes, debt is up. Yes, housing is a disaster. But have you SEEN Trump’s facial expressions? It’s terrifying. We must stay vigilant.”
Dominic LeBlanc chimed in from behind a fog machine,
“We’ll deal with Canada later. First we must emotionally process whatever Donald posted at 3 a.m.”
Meanwhile, ordinary Canadians are rolling their eyes so hard they’re fogging up their hockey visors. One trucker in Sault Ste. Marie summed it up best: “Buddy, my mortgage just went up by more than the carbon tax rebate. I don’t care what Trump said — fix the bloody country.”
Authorities recommend turning off CBC news and looking at a Canadian pay stub as the most effective treatment for Trump Derangement Syndrome.
Until then, zombie Liberals continue to shuffle across the land — elbows up, eyes glazed, feelings first, wallets empty.
#ZombieLiberals #TrumpDerangementEh #ElbowsUp #MapleMadness #SorryNotSorry #DebtAndDonuts #TimmiesApocalypse #BlameTheOrange
