Jagmeet Singh and the NDP have officially promised that if Jagmeet ever makes it to the big chair as Prime Minister, every Canadian from St. John’s to Vancouver Island will be rockin’ a turban, whether they like it or not.
“Every Canuck should have the honour of donning a turban at least one day a year,” Jagmeet told reporters while sipping a double-double outside his mansion in B.C. “It’s about unity, respect, and lookin’ sharp while doing your grocery run at No Frills.”
Jagmeet went on to say the turban represents every Canadian, from the fella hauling lumber in Thunder Bay to the Leafs fan crying into his poutine. “It’s time we stitch this country together—literally—one yard of cloth at a time.”
When asked if women can wear the turban too, Jagmeet dodged the question quicker than a goalie in Beer League hockey: “Next question, eh.”
Singh added that “only total bootlickers” wouldn’t support his plan, and he’s fully confident Trudeau and the Liberals will back him up—especially since Trudeau’s already got a history of fancy dress-up days.
We asked Jagmeet if women can wear the turban as well but he didn’t answer.
Jagmeet went on to say that only bootlickers would Sources inside Parliament Hill are already whispering about spin-off ideas: Turban Tuesdays in schools, BYOT (Bring Your Own Turban) Fridays at work, and even a Tim Hortons collector’s edition Turban Roll-Up-the-Rim.
So buckle up, hosers—the age of the toque may be ending. The national headdress could soon be a turban, and if you don’t like it? Well, Jagmeet says you’re just being a knob, bud.
