In a bizarre cross-province roadshow that felt part campaign rally and part high school assembly, Prime Minister Mark Carney and Ontario Premier Doug Ford kicked off their “Save Our Factories” tour — visiting every union plant that hasn’t yet packed up and headed south of the border.
The dynamic duo’s message? Trump is the villain, foreign labour is the hero, and Canadians are “too busy to work anyway.”
“Look,” said Ford, adjusting his safety vest for the cameras, “Canadians are too busy to work. Hockey, Netflix, a little complaining about the price of gas. So let other people work, they pay taxes, and we collect benefits. It’s a win-win, bud.”
Carney then repeated Ford’s words verbatim, raised his elbows sky-high in solidarity, and tried to start a slow clap. It didn’t catch on.
🇺🇸 Bashing Trump While the Machines Still Run
The pair repeatedly blamed Trump for “selfishly supporting American workers.”
“We just don’t understand why the President of the United States keeps supporting his own citizens,” Carney said dramatically. “Meanwhile, here in Canada, we believe in outsourcing patriotism.”
Ford nodded enthusiastically, adding,
“When Americans say ‘America First,’ we say, ‘Yeah, that’s why our factories are empty.’”
📊 Silly Stats, Big Promises
Government economists claim the new Permanent Foreign Worker Program™ will create “approximately 12 trillion units of optimism,” while reducing domestic labour participation by “a very chill 86%.”
A leaked memo also suggested Ford wanted to rename the policy “The Free Time for Canadians Act.”
🩺 Doctors, Clergy, and Psychics React
“I’ve never seen elbows raised this high,” said Dr. Sheila Fortier. “We’re seeing repetitive strain injuries from politicians grandstanding.”
Father Gilles of St. Mary’s Parish called the move “economically creative” but morally murky.
“They’ve essentially turned work into a spectator sport,” he sighed. “May God bless whoever’s actually on the factory floor.”
Local psychic Madame Maple claims she foresaw this in 2019.
“The spirits whispered: ‘Canadians will one day get paid to nap,’” she said, shaking a snow globe shaped like a Tim Hortons cup. “And here we are.”
💼 Business Leaders Applaud… Sort Of
Business lobbyist Greg Saunders called the move “efficient capitalism.”
“Foreign workers do the job, Canadians buy the poutine, and politicians clap themselves on the back. It’s the circle of economic life.”
🏭 A Country of Managers
Carney ended the tour stop with a flourish.
“Canada doesn’t need to make things,” he said, “we just need to point at people who do and say ‘good job.’”
Both leaders raised their elbows high, the crowd offered a polite golf clap, and the last working factory in Hamilton sighed quietly.
#ElbowsUpEconomy #MapleLeafManufacturing #FreeTimeForCanadiansAct #ForeignWorkerFiesta #TrumpBlameTour
