AJAX – Political scandal hit the glitter scene this week after local drag royalty accused Liberal MP Mark Holland of “dumping us like a turd” by skipping a highly anticipated drag show in his own hometown.
“This is Ajax, baby. We are the culture here,” fumed BeBee, rhinestones still sparkling under the fluorescent lights of a Tim Hortons. “Mark told me over a double-double he’d swing by. I told everyone. Now I look like a fool—like a cheap taco wrapper blowing across a Walmart parking lot.”
According to BeBee, Holland’s no-show left the crowd devastated. “We had a whole number planned called ‘Cabinet Shuffle’ where we lip-synced in red blazers and threw fake budgets at the audience. The people were ready. The stage was set. And Mark? He ghosted harder than my ex.”
Official Excuses
Holland’s office pushed back, insisting the MP “was never formally invited and had no idea the show even existed.” The statement praised Holland as “a firm supporter of his community and anyone fabulous enough to vote Liberal twice.”
When reporters read the statement aloud to BeBee, she kicked off her six-inch heels, screamed “bullcrap!” and stormed out, leaving behind a trail of sequins and rage.
Fallout in Ajax
Locals are divided. Some say Holland was right to skip the event, while others believe he should have been there, tipping loonies like a true ally. One angry fan threatened to start a rival show called “Dragged by Mark Holland” featuring performers dressed as Liberal MPs lip-syncing to Celine Dion’s “All By Myself.”
Meanwhile, BeBee has vowed revenge. “Next election, I’m running myself. Campaign slogan: ‘If you can’t tuck, you can’t lead.’”
At press time, Holland was spotted leaving Parliament Hill, nervously Googling: “What do I wear to a drag show? Is denim tuxedo acceptable?”
