TORONTO, ON — Premier Doug Ford is once again charging into the cultural arena, this time calling for a full-on boycott of American movies and TV shows as a way to “stick it” to Donald Trump.
At a press conference held in front of a Cineplex with more pigeons than patrons, Ford thundered:
“Nobody watches TV anymore! It’s all YouTube and Instagram, eh? And guess what? That’s Canadian content. I’ve got proof, bud.”
When pressed for details on said “proof,” Ford pulled out his phone, proudly showing reporters a shaky TikTok of his nephew doing donuts in a Canadian Tire parking lot. “See? That’s pure Canadian culture. Forget Hollywood, we’ve got free Wi-Fi and maple-leaf emojis.”
Ford vs. Hollywood
The Premier’s boycott plan comes with a folksy twist. He’s urging Ontarians to “support local” by streaming only YouTube prank channels, backyard hockey highlights, and influencers reviewing Tim Hortons’ latest mystery donuts.
“Why should we be paying good loonies to watch American superheroes save the world when we’ve got Canadian Tire dads saving twenty bucks on a socket wrench set?” Ford asked, gesturing wildly with his double-double.
He also suggested replacing Netflix subscriptions with “a nice trip to No Frills” where, according to him, “the deals are better than any Hollywood blockbuster.”
Expert Reactions
Dr. Shania Maple-Leaf, professor of Media Studies at the University of Guelph, said Ford’s boycott plan “might accidentally work, since nobody can afford movie tickets anymore anyway.”
“Hollywood’s losing to TikTok already. Ford’s just riding the wave and pretending he’s the lifeguard,” she added.
Meanwhile, political satirist Gord Perogy noted, “If Doug really wants to replace Hollywood, he should just livestream Question Period. It’s already got drama, villains, and terrible scripts.”
Public Response
Some Ontarians applauded Ford’s call. “Honestly, I haven’t been to a theatre since they stopped serving real butter on popcorn,” said Dale, 52, from Sudbury. “If Trump gets ticked off because I watched raccoons raid my green bin on YouTube instead of Captain America, that’s just a bonus.”
Others were more skeptical. “If he bans U.S. shows, what am I supposed to binge after work? Reruns of The Littlest Hobo?” asked Chantel, 29, from Brampton.
The Final Word
As Ford wrapped up, he gave reporters his signature grin:
“Forget Hollywood, folks. The future is Canadian influencers, Canadian cats, and Canadian chaos. That’s the real content, eh.”
